The Wide World of Dirt

Week 2 of the 2024 season saw four matchups across eight contenders while our defending champions, the Plague Mob, got to take an early bye.

Matchup #1: TuAnon Froggs vs. Jeys Team

The TuAnon Froggs entered the weekend on a positive note, having defeated Oops, all Injuries! 182.25 – 154.1 on the back of strong performances by Xavier Worthy, DeVon Achane, and Lamar Jackson.

Staring at him from across the virtual field of battle was a newcomer, Jeys Team.

In the lowest scoring affair of week 1, Jeys Team tackled the last year’s caboose, Sports Medicine Clinic, 143.2 – 126.8 behind a sterling performance from Colts gunslinger Anthony Richardson.

Richardson’s lack of performance against the Green Bay defense and a poor showing by Rachaad White couldn’t counteract the resounding ribbits of the TuAnon Froggs as Justin Jefferson, DeVon Achane and JK Dobbins showed out.

Matchup #2: Support the Shield vs. Oops, all Injuries!

The first two weeks of 2024 have not been kind to the aptly named Oops, all Injuries!

Week 1 concluded with benched QB Jordan Love sustaining a knee injury late in the going against the Eagles, and incumbent starter Tua Tagovailoa added insult to injury by going down midway through the third quarter against the Bills.

Making matters even worse is Tagovailoa’s recent addition to the injured reserve, placing him out of the contention to start for the next month.

Adding to the injury report for Oops was Kenneth Walker sitting out against New England and Deebo Samuel heading into week 3 listed as doubtful.

The accumulation of pain significantly weighted down his roster in his duel with Support the Shield, coming off of a bye in astounding fashion by winning 213.95 – 170.95.

Support the Shield put his faith in Alvin Kamara, and the Saints’ bell-cow back rewarded him with a four-TD performance against Dallas, putting the team at a resounding 1-0 to officially get their season underway.

Matchup #3: Glizzy Glazers vs. Sports Medicine Clinic

Sports Medicine Clinic’s hard-luck streak came to an end in week 2 as he faced off with this season’s second expansion team: the Glizzy Glazers (ayo.)

Last year’s basement dwellers lobbed the most balanced performance of the weekend and took advantage of an error by the Glizzy Glazers’ team owner leaving a stat-less Evan Engram in his lineup, coming home with a 177.6 – 171.65 victory.

Of concern going forward, the Clinic’s adding new members to the IR slot with Raheem Mostert already missing week 2 with nagging injuries and Isiah Pacheco suffering a broken fibula that’ll put him out of commission for a month.

The Glizzy Glazers notched a surprise debut win against the Washington 4skins in week 1 with phenomenal performances from the Denver defense and special teams, Tyreek Hill, and Jalen Hurts.

Perhaps another week to heal will assist the Glazers in their attempts to rebound from the week 2 loss.

Matchup #4: The Washington 4Skins vs Pain

Speaking of the Washington 4Skins, a tough second week didn’t hold them back from victory, eking out a 136.25 – 127.15 W over the newly-renamed Pain.

Pain — a two-time league champion — ended last year on a sour note and looked to bounce back in a big way this season with the additions of Christian McCaffrey and Josh Allen, but as you can already tell, the former has failed to produce.

McCaffrey’s Achilles’ tendonitis is nothing to play with, especially when coupled with calf tightness. The setbacks are holding back one of the league’s most dominant skill-position players and slowing down San Francisco’s high-powered offense.

The addition of Jordan Mason lessened some of the blow as he ran for 100 yards and put up a TD, but subpar performances by Mike Evans and Jaylen Waddle as well as an injury to Cooper Kupp put a damper on a promising weekend.

In spite of a bad week, Pain leads the league thus far with an impressive week one showing that saw his team put up an obscene 222.4 points over two-time defending league champion Plague Mob.

The Week Ahead…

Next week features a battle between the (1-1) Glizzy Glazers and the (2-0) TuAnon Froggs, a chance for the expansion teams to knock an established entity.

Pain and Sports Medicine Clinic meet up in week 3 to break their .500 records while Jeys Team looks to capitalize on the hamstrung Oops, all Injuries!

Finally, (0-1) Plague Mob looks to get pointed in the right direction after a tough loss in week 1 to Pain against the recipient of the week 1 bye, (1-0) Support the Shield.

After a hard-fought war was waged with Pain, the Washington 4Skins get to enjoy the spoils of their labors for a week as they enter a bye.