The Wide World of Dirt

Twenty years ago, a new Mountain Dew variant entered the frosty fridges of gas stations and convenience stores the world over.

Mountain Dew Pitch Black, the brand’s fourth nationwide release behind original, Code Red, and LiveWire, introduced PepsiCo’s attempt to tackle the controversial market of grape-flavored soda.

For eons, soda drinkers asked, they begged, for a grape-flavored soda that had some bite to it, and my god, did Pepsi ever deliver with Pitch Black.

When I was eight years old, my dad and I stopped at a GoMart on the way back home one afternoon, and I saw a black-and-purple Mountain Dew bottle in the fridge that said it was grape-flavored.

I took one sip when we left GoMart, and I haven’t looked back: this was the pinnacle of what Mountain Dew was capable of being.

If you go back and read my review about grapes, you’d know full well that I am fond of the oval-shaped berries that also make a good jelly, jam, and wine.

But, when I went back to the store a few weeks later, the drink was gone. Almost like it was never there to begin with…

Days, weeks, months, years passed me by, still pondering what happened to that grape Mountain Dew I got at GoMart.

Finally, PepsiCo heard the calls from people like me, and they gave us Pitch Black back for a little bit in 2011, as a treat.

They called it “Back by DEWmand”. What I experienced was not a mirage, but something very real and something that was so very back.

I couldn’t tell you how many cans I went through in the summer between my last year of middle school and first year of high school, but I promise you it was more than the amount of days there were in the summer.

In hindsight, it’s no wonder I ended up with a cavity that winter…

Regardless, I burned through my stock after a while, left with a lone can in my fridge that I refused to drink because I knew it was my last one. It may be the last can on Earth, for all I knew.

Thankfully, the world is a lot larger than just what can be found in my refrigerator, and more movement from fans online developed into a nationwide push to get Pitch Black to become a permanent Mountain Dew offering.

2016 is a year that lives in infamy for a number of reasons not to be discussed here, but it meant a lot to me for a number of much different reasons.

The Cubs won the World Series. The Cavs beat the Warriors. Frank Ocean dropped two albums (still patiently waiting for more.) And, Pitch Black became a permanent flavor after some intense tweeting from people like me!

I remember when the announcement came down late in the year. I didn’t have a car, but my roommate did. We drove to Wal-Mart, and I bought three 12-packs of the good stuff to stow away in my dorm.

For the rest of the school year, I drank a can of Pitch Black every day or so because it represented the (dumb but) hard work that went into making this (silly) little dream of ours a reality: our votes got this flavor elected into permanence.

Or, so I thought.

After a year or so, perhaps my hyperfixation on this carbonated beverage began to slow as it no longer made the grocery list in favor of energy drinks and tea.

Thankfully, I’d still see it at the store, which always produced a smile.

Then, one day, it wasn’t beside White Out and Voltage. Suddenly, White Out wasn’t beside Voltage either.

Something strange and sad had happened.

Despite being duly elected, both Pitch Black and White Out were phased out of national availability because they didn’t sell enough.

The changes were made right before the pandemic hit in 2020, meaning that the four bottles I picked up at a random BP in Iowa might be my last two bottles of White Out and my last two bottles of my beloved Pitch Black.

I waited all summer to drink the second bottle of Pitch Black because I couldn’t really bring it back to Arizona with me. It tasted just as delicious as always, even though it had been relabeled to be “dark citrus” instead of grape.

Thus, the drought resumed, and so, too, did my depression.

Last year started off well with three months of Pitch Black and a cute little campaign put out by Pepsi that begged people to find it. It was nice to see folks giving the flavor love like never before; it made my heart happy.

But, like some cruel April Fool’s Day prank, it was all gone, again. Except this time, I made room for rations.

To this day, I still have three cans of Mountain Dew Pitch Black from last year’s drop while infrequent trips to a Speedway across county lines last fall to get a Pitch Black Slurpee helped satiate my taste buds.

I had one today, and it’s still as good as it was 20 years ago. Now that the local Speedway has been sold off, I have no way to acquire Pitch Black in any form in my immediate vicinity.

This is especially heartbreaking considering that 7-Elevens and Speedways are rumored to have added Pitch Black to their fountain rotation.

While I am happy others are able to enjoy it, I hope that I’ll be able to join them soon for a full, foamy cup of grape stuff.

I hope that one day, I’ll be able to grab a 12-pack from the store, crack open a cold one, and slug it back like it’s 2004 all over again.

Until then, my Happy Halloween is dressing up as Funky Kong and drinking a can of soda that expired 15 months ago. Cheers!