The Wide World of Dirt

As we close out the worst third of what Mario Kart 8 Deluxe has to offer, we enter the middle third where the tracks start to steadily improve over the next 32.

#64: 3DS Music Park

There isn’t a single track in the entire series that is as cool conceptually and in execution as Music Park.

As you race, you contribute to the soundtrack. So neat!

It just isn’t the most exciting circuit to actually race on, however. Don’t get me wrong, I love bouncing off the drums and tricking off the road because the music notes hop up and down.

Few opportunities to catch up to the pack when you’ve fallen behind hold this track back. The layout of the track isn’t super inspiring either, considering it only has five turns if you drive it the quickest way.

While it gets a really nice glow-up in this game, it gets weighed down in these rankings because there are simply better tracks.

Grade: 23/40

#63: Sweet Sweet Canyon

Prior to sitting down to rank all the tracks, I didn’t have any strong feelings one way or another for this course.

The third track of the Mushroom Cup, Sweet Sweet Canyon shows how great the dual-path mechanic can be early on, giving players relatively equal options as they dive into a pool of syrup (?).

Those two paths reconnect on a winding road littered with hungry piranha plants ready to eat you before giving way to a final turn that features a prominent donut shortcut.

Not only that, there’s a big candy cannon you’re shot out of at the beginning of the track that’s really fun, which just matches my opinion of the track as a whole.

Sweet Sweet Canyon is a really fun track and rather strong for just the third Nitro circuit of the entire game.

Grade: 23/40

#62: Tour Merry Mountain

In the midst of the BCP, we reached wintertime, so Nintendo responded by gifting us a winter wonderland to drive through for Wave 3.

Merry Mountain isn’t anything special from a layout perspective, featuring just six turns total over a nearly 40-second lap.

This includes a massive straightaway at the end of the racetrack that many seem to dislike for whatever reason. Counterpoint: straightaways are a good thing.

Traversing a minefield of bananas, dropped shells, and mushrooms is a cornerstone of the Mario Kart experience, and those minefields often happen on long straights.

Not only that, it allows for racers to be creative, chucking a Bob-omb from the top of the mountain down in front of the competitors further ahead.

Merry Mountain may be simple, but I enjoy it a great deal nonetheless.

Grade: 24/40

#61: Bowser’s Castle

This is most certainly a Bowser’s Castle, even if we don’t have any Thwomps.

Incorporating anti-grav throughout the course makes it more interesting and enhances the section with the molten Bowser punching the road.

A set of stone Bowsers that shoot lasers, a fire hazard, and a swinging spike ball are good preludes to the molten Bowser section, but where the track falls apart is everything after the glider section.

MK8DX‘s Bowser Castle has a ripping soundtrack and great design for 3/4 of the course, but the final turn doesn’t do anything special at all.

As good as this track is, it could’ve been better, which is a shame. A final set of turns with multiple boulders cascading down would’ve made for a more challenging final sector.

Grade: 25/40

#60: DS Cheep Cheep Beach

As a major sucker for the steel drum, I am enamored with the soundtrack for Cheep Cheep Beach. Just gorgeous and serene instrumentation.

I invested a lot of time into Mario Kart DS as a kid, and I didn’t have any strong feelings toward this track, though its wake dynamic did give racers falling behind a way to catch up a bit quicker.

Now, that’s been discarded because of the newly-implemented water physics that also open up shortcuts and alternate routes below the sea’s surface.

Trickable ramps at the end of the lap present passing opportunities right before the finish line, meaning the race is never over until you take the checkered flag.

For the third retro track in the entire game, Cheep Cheep Beach helped properly set the tone for the rest of the base game’s retro course lineup by being a great but simple course.

Grade: 25/40

#59: GCN Sherbet Land

Like with most ice and desert tracks, people seem to hate this one.

Adding new underwater sections to this track give it a great new element that completely reinvent one of the worst tracks from DoubleDash.

From a technical perspective, this course provides a healthy challenge for racers as the second track in the Leaf Cup, throwing karts around tight, winding turns, one right after the other.

The Shy Guys and Freezies remain from the original iteration, both standing tall as course hazards that threaten your run to the top step of the podium.

People constantly complain about tracks that are too simple, but they hate tracks like GCN Sherbet Land for being too difficult because they’re unable to handle the more disciplined driving it demands. Sounds like a skill issue.

Grade: 26/40

#58: Tour Singapore Speedway

The final track of Wave 4, Singapore Speedway sits as the closer of the Boomerang Cup and shows off a ton of what the beautiful city-state has to offer.

Dashing through Marina Bay Sands after being shot through a cannon is euphoric before getting to glide over a soccer field. This is just lap one!

The second lap sends racers back down the main straight before shipping them through Chinatown that funnels into a gorgeous water display.

Lap 3 takes racers on the Helix Bridge and through the Gardens by the Bay before shipping racers back through Chinatown and finishing the race.

Of every Tour track, I believe this one takes the attractions of its source city and makes the most of them, but they don’t always use them in the best ways.

If the Chinatown section was a bit more expansive and acted more like Shy Guy Bazaar, this track would’ve made the top-20 for sure. Even still, it’s a really strong track that has a great soundtrack.

Grade: 26/40

#57: GCN Yoshi Circuit

As a lifelong Yoshi player, I absolutely adore this track that is literally shaped and laid out in his image.

This DoubleDash track has been featured in a staggering four Mario Kart games (if you include Tour, which I do), and it’s easy to see why.

Yoshi’s shape somehow makes a great and engaging track layout that leaves little time for the player to breathe.

The waterfall at the beginning gives players lower in the running order the ability to catch up with relative ease while there’s a sweet shroomless cut as racers enter the flowery section on the far end of the track.

As much as I love this track, I wanted this list to be more objective, so let’s look at its fatal flaw: the programming of the track. For whatever reason, Bullet Bills last insanely long on this track.

This error makes sandbagging the prime strategy, which is not good. Games should not incentivize players to be bad at the game deliberately; it’s antithetical to the point of the game.

As a result, this track gets knocked down the rankings despite how much I enjoy racing here.

Grade: 26/40