The Wide World of Dirt

#48: Wii Mushroom Gorge

If you’d like a true indication of my objectivity, Mushroom Gorge is very emblematic of that. I hate this track.

For whatever reason, I am just not good on this track or always have bad luck. Despite that, I still think it’s really, really fun to bounce on mushrooms!

It is difficult to be quick here, and the BCP developers made the infamous gap cut from the original Wii version significantly harder to pull off.

I don’t feel that this track lives up to the fun or physics of the Wii version, but all in all, this track has an insane fun factor when playing with friends, hoping you won’t be buried in the pit for your fungi funeral.

Grade: 28/40

#47: Dolphin Shoals

It took me a while to come around on this track. For whatever reason, I couldn’t find speed here for a long time, constantly struggling to catch back up to the pack if I got hit in the empty waterway with pipes.

As I started formulating this list, I had a change of heart with Dolphin Shoals. Maybe I just got good? It’s hard to tell.

Getting to jump on the eel from Super Mario 64’s Jolly Roger Bay is pure, unvarnished fun like jumping on the mushrooms at Mushroom Gorge.

The dolphins jumping out of the water at the start of the race remains a nice touch, but I’d be remiss if I left out the best part: the soundtrack.

The music on this course is phenomenal. That sax solo that jumps out as soon as you hop out of the eel section is an S-tier musical moment in Mario Kart history.

Grade: 28/40

#46: N64 Choco Mountain

The third track of the entire BCP, Choco Mountain made its grand return to the series after being part of the original retro tracks included on Mario Kart DS.

Though I won’t say it is better than its N64 iteration, I quite like this interpretation as it incorporates a number of modern mechanics that suit the track’s layout.

What was once a small tunnel section that led into a set of S-turns is now a crystal-coated cave that gives way to a broken bridge with a glider ramp to allow racers to descend upon the lower part of the mountain.

From there, racers must dodge the barreling balls of chocolate cascading down the mountain in the track’s prominent hairpin. Where drivers used to exit that turn and hold their breath, a railing has (sadly) been provided.

The track races well but doesn’t provide too much difficulty. The soundtrack kicks on all cylinders, and I love the inclusion of the ladder near the finish line, a callback to the Weathertenko glitch in Mario Kart 64.

Grade: 28/40

#45: Sunshine Airport

If you were like me and didn’t own a Wii U, you are very familiar with this track as it would be the demo track you could play on Mario Kart 8 at GameStop.

A throwback to the world of Super Mario Sunshine on the GameCube, Sunshine Airport opens up the Star Cup in dazzling style. The race begins in the terminal before sending races out to the tarmac to dodge plane wheels and luggage.

Sharp turns and variable paths give racers plenty of options to find speed before flying them down a runway full of boost panels to prepare for takeoff.

A quick anti-gravity U-turn is done as a commercial flight lifts off overhead, leading to a big glider ramp that used to be insanely problematic before the BCP quality-of-life updates.

The crates that populate on the luggage lines spilling items once cracked open is a great touch, and this track oozes charm. I love it a great deal, but its lack of difficulty brought it down a couple points in the rankings.

Grade: 28/40

#44: Tour Piranha Plant Cove

Yes, you get double the eels in this portion of my track rankings!

Piranha Plant Cove is like an underwater version of Mount Wario in that both tracks use the three-stage format to take the players on an adventure.

The first section asks players to pop out of the water a few times to observe the ruins as well as some Piranha Plants that might give you a nibble if you get too close to them.

Racers dash through the ruins again on lap 2, navigating around Thwomps and some awkward design choices prior to the beginning of the third lap.

Lap 3 takes the field by some clams and a sunken ship before tossing them into a sandy trench where an eel awaits to make a meal out of you.

The adventure of this track always brings a smile to my face, and while it’s not as good as Mount Wario, I’m really glad this track made it over from Tour.

Grade: 29/40

#43: Hyrule Circuit

Quick disclaimer: I have never finished a Legend of Zelda game.

From what I understand about the Legend of Zelda series, this is a great but nondescript track for the illustrious Nintendo franchise.

It isn’t really crafted after a single game in the series, but it hits all the proper notes to be a good Zelda track. Deku babas in place of Piranha Plants and rupees in place of traditional coins really make this feel like Link’s playground.

The track layout is really interesting to me, so it would’ve been high on this list regardless of what the theme would have been.

The glider ramp leading into Hyrule Castle before hitting a downhill, carousel-like turn with anti-gravity pylons that — if you hit all three — trigger a third path through the foyer where the Master Sword appears.

A winding final section in the courtyard and through a field of deku babas puts an exclamation on the course dedicated to the people and fans of the Hyrule Kingdom.

Grade: 29/40

#42: Tour Berlin Byways

Y’all…

Nintendo finally, finally put moving traffic at a Tour city track! This is cause for celebration, and no, I am not being dramatic.

We have a track placed in the middle of a city containing around 3.5 million people in it, and the cars actually move like the city is alive!

I really appreciate this track’s layout in how it offers a lot of variation and tough corners that provoke split-second decisions from racers.

Of the city tracks, Berlin definitely achieves the goal of hitting a ton of landmarks and monuments throughout the city and making them active parts of the track, including having Womps debuting in Mario Kart as part of the Berlin Wall.

Overall, this track hits every major beat that a city track should, and I enjoy playing on it a great deal, even online.

Grade: 29/40

#41: N64 Kalimari Desert

The last Mario Kart 64 track released in the game, Kalimari Desert brought the train back to its adoring fans in beautiful HD.

Except, it contains a couple of twists.

For one thing, two glider ramps make their return from the Mario Kart 7 version of this course, one on the far inside of the first turn that can carry the player to the second glider ramp which is in the massive field after the first turn.

But, what pushed this track so far up the list was not having to race the main course three times in a row. In the middle of the second lap, racers hop onto the train track heading toward the train.

It shortcuts the second lap and allows for a second path to open up on the final lap as racers could opt to stay on the train track (risking a second meeting with the train) or back onto the main track early.

My one gripe about this track is the final lap allows for sandbagging too much. We are in the desert though, so perhaps it makes sense that sandbagging would be popular.

Grade: 29/40