The Wide World of Dirt

#32: Tour Rome Avanti

Landing just outside of the top-30 but making it into the top-third of tracks in this game is none other than Tour Rome Avanti.

A jaunt through one of the oldest cities in human history yields many great sights as racers pass through a number of landmarks, notably the Colosseum on two different occasions.

This path-changing track does well to make for an interesting and compelling layout featuring a slew of challenging corners that’ll surely test the mettle of drivers as they attempt to replicate the prestige of being a Roman gladiator.

While I feel the third lap could’ve utilized the Colosseum a bit more than it did (feels so short for such a monumental building), but I also recognize that the Colosseum just isn’t that big of a building.

But, it does make me wonder just how big Chain Chomps actually are or at least how big they can be scaled because only two (2) of them could fit inside the playing surface of the Colosseum. Either way, Rome Avanti rocks.

Grade: 31/40

#31: GBA Riverside Park

On a recent vacation, I decided to crack open the ol’ Nintendo Switch Online GameBoy Advance extension to play Mario Kart: Super Circuit in preparation for these track rankings.

In order to adequately rank these GBA tracks, I wanted a more accurate frame of reference for all these tracks I haven’t raced on since I was in early elementary school, and I am so glad I did.

The newest version of GBA Riverside Park cranks up the original several notches.

What was already a great layout that worked well with Super Circuit’s slippery controls is revived and retooled in the best way.

The additions of the Ptooies, the bridges added to the course, and the final turn being turned into a cave that spits drivers out of the top through a waterfall make this an ESPN Instant Classic.

Grade: 31/40

#30: Tour Vancouver Velocity

This track just has such great vibes.

Though I’ve never been to Vancouver, this gives me a great depiction of a city I’d love to visit. Mountainous backdrop, plenty of landmarks that are part of the track, and it’s at night.

Racing underneath the Olympics Cauldron amid a snow-capped landscape just made me feel so at ease this winter, like other people (and the drivers in the race) were suffering through this brutal season just like me.

Skating through Rogers Centre, a big turn through the Massey Tunnel, and a trip over the Capilano Suspension Bridge (which should’ve been used more) make for a truly wonderful adventure.

Its placement as the final track in the Cherry Cup seems sufficient, and I always have a blast in Vancouver, whether I’m at the front or trying to gain ground.

Grade: 31/40

#29: DS Shroom Ridge

Funnily enough, DS Shroom Ridge is the sole reason we are all here today: me, writing this article, and y’all, reading this article.

The weekend that Wave 1 of the Booster Course Pass dropped in 2022, I hopped online with some friends in a private lobby to test out the new tracks together.

After a great victory at Shroom Ridge, I knew I could take my skills online to see how I stacked up with players around the world, and despite all of my rage at this game from time to time, I persevered and made it through to the other side.

Back to the track itself, Shroom Ridge remained one of my favorites from the DS. Seeing it incorporated into the Wave 1 trailer gave me a lot of optimism about the tracks they would be bringing into the game.

The corners and item play are integral to a great run at this track where you can front-run or sandbag to victory, and being able to dodge the cars and know where they’re going to be is exceptionally handy.

While I wish all traffic tracks were a bit more challenging, this is far and away the best traffic track in all of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe.

Grade: 31/40

#28: Tour Sydney Sprint

Though I’ve never been to Sydney (or Australia in general), Sydney Sprint quickly became one of my favorite tracks in the entire game.

Standing as the opening course for the Propeller Cup, Sydney Sprint blends its three Tour variants together to make an appealing (and, at times) challenging race track.

Nintendo tucked in several landmarks even on the first lap as racers slide through the Sydney Opera House and over the pond to Luna Park before taking to the Sydney Harbor Bridge where Toads throw you coins from a Tangara train.

Lap 2 sees racers going back over the bridge but not before a stroll through the Barangaroo Reserve and its daunting S-curves. Lap 3 is quite simply just lap 1 in reverse, but that’s good enough when it races differently going the other way.

All in all, this is a superb track and easily one of the best Tour city tracks.

Grade: 31/40

#27: DS Peach Gardens

Call it nostalgia, call it bias, call it whatever you’d like: I love Peach Gardens.

The second track of the Moon Cup, DS Peach Gardens looks mostly similar to its original iteration with a few changes.

The hedges in the hedge maze have been fashioned into the likenesses of several popular characters from the Mario series while the hedges down the hill from the maze have been removed in favor of a circle patrolled by a Piranha Plant.

The flower beds that used to make navigating around them difficult in the original on DS and the Wii remake have been abruptly removed, but the newly-remade course makes a big change for lap 3.

Instead of caroming off to the right like you have been for nearly 20 years, racers instead swing to the left to drive by the castle from the other side of the wall, a previously unexplored path.

This leads to a last lap that can be full of anxiety for someone in the lead as a well-timed lightning bolt or mushroom could spell doom for a race that was dominated from the beginning.

Grade: 31/40

#26: Tour Madrid Drive

Kicking off the final cup added to the game is Mario Kart Tour‘s Madrid Drive.

Opening up the Spiny Cup is no small feat, but Madrid Drive passes the sniff test with flying colors as it takes you through one of the most beautiful cities in all of Europe.

Climbing a staircase into the Plaza Mayor before carving through Atocha Station and the Prado Museum make lap 1 a scenic whirlwind while lap 2 sends players back through Plaza Mayor and into Retiro Park.

The final lap sees the field going around complex turns and tight sections that are ripe for item play prior to the final stretch that has drivers weaving through a field of soccer balls on the illustrious pitch of Santiago Bernabéu Stadium.

But, the final aspect that shot this track up the rankings? The music. It gets my heart bouncing up and down like the notes at Music Park.

Grade: 32/40

#25: 3DS Piranha Plant Slide

The second track of the base game’s Lightning Cup, 3DS Piranha Plant Slide didn’t leave a big impression on me for over a decade, which is crazy considering how much I played Mario Kart 7.

It wasn’t until I started considering a ranking for all the MK8DX courses that this track kept making it further and further up the list as time wore on, but it lands as the 25th entry of this list.

Reminiscent of the underground levels featured in the Super Mario series of games, Piranha Plant Slide offers so much subtle variation to the players that often goes overlooked.

The first Piranha Plant you encounter splits the watery path three ways, including a sneaky, dry third path that allows the racers to snag coins before diving deeper into the tunnel where they see the paths split once again.

Whether you take the boost panels to get onto the bricks or cruise on the low road below, the track converges for a tight section that starts with item boxes but requires a lot of quick inputs to maintain speed and stay on course.

The three paths re-emerge from the beginning of the track, preceding an underwater section with another large Piranha Plant splitting the path before racers take a glider ramp to the final two S-curves.

While far from my favorite tracks in the game, this ranking definitely made me appreciate some of the more underscored tracks on the selection screen, and Piranha Plant Slide certainly falls into that category.

Grade: 32/40