The Wide World of Dirt

LET THE TOP-40 BEGIN!

#40: GCN DK Mountain

As a DoubleDash veteran, I have raced on this track probably more than any other track included in this game over the past year as I played through its Wii remake as well as its original iteration.

It brings me no joy in saying this is the worst version of this track.

Something about how this track was adapted to MK8DX is just wrong. If I had to take a guess, the main issues stem from its original inclusion in Tour.

In the original, the falling boulders present a stronger threat to the competitors, but in this version, it feels like the track is just too wide to accommodate for the amount of players.

One good aspect about this version is that it makes taking the shortcut in the final switchback section less overpowered than in Wii and DoubleDash. I love that this shortcut is present but not as game-breaking as it once was.

In all, this track is still great and worthy of praise, but it isn’t the best version of this track, which defeats the purpose of remaking it.

Grade: 30/40

#39: GBA Boo Lake

Contrary to DK Mountian, Boo Lake absolutely improves on its original version.

Not to call out the obvious, but there’s actually a lake this time! Not only is there a lake; you dive into its depths! What a concept.

The dock that the racers traverse is wet, giving this track a lack of traction that I just adore before sinking underwater. A cute shortcut in the hairpin helps drivers that have fallen behind catch up.

When you go through the final turn, you are faced with a number of paths, but the best is on the right side where you can trick off the railing for a shorter jump to the finish line.

It’s a short track that is uncompromising in its difficulty with a lack of traction and varying paths. It is simply fantastic.

Grade: 30/40

#38: DS Mario Circuit

Yes, yes. I know. This isn’t Airship Fortress, which would most certainly be higher on this list than 38th.

It is, however, a great track itself, at least this version.

Let me just make it known that the original version in Mario Kart DS is completely unremarkable like many Mario Circuits before and since. There was nothing particularly special that stood out about this course prior to being called up for Wave 4 of the BCP.

One of the biggest improvements is the verticality. The DS iteration does have some hills to its credit, but the way the final section has been changed absolutely raised this course on my list.

Snaking through the dirt sector is great while the final two hairpins — which were initially mild — have been made into banked corners that are harder for players to carve perfectly, becoming absolutely perfect in this edition.

I feel like too many fans of this series want these fantastical tracks and forget that we’re still just racing go-karts. I really appreciate this track and its structural variation that its original lacked.

Grade: 30/40

#37: Dragon Driftway

Though I was not initially drawn to this course prior to compiling these rankings, I quickly grew an appreciation for it once I realized the coolest part of all: we’re driving on a dragon.

An ultra-twisted road that’s almost entirely run in anti-gravity holds the third spot in the Egg Cup and was the first new original course introduced to the game via DLC.

Because of the anti-grav, racers are able to dip their front wheels over the edge to eke out a tenth or two of time over their competitors simply by racing on the ragged edge. But, if the racer makes one mistake aiming for the tightest line, it could completely derail their race.

If you’re just cracking open MK8DX for the first time in a bit, this remains one of the best tracks to limber you up for drifting because you’ll be hitting a lot of ultra mini-turbos in order to stay ahead on Gobblegut’s winding frame.

Grade: 30/40

#36: 3DS Neo Bowser City

Much like the previous track on the list, Neo Bowser City earns a high ranking for its high degree of difficulty to go fast.

In order to get to the front and stay there, drivers must dodge items and the literal edge of the circuit on rain-drenched roadways that are eager to catch you slipping.

The daunting S-curves maintain the title as the hardest corners in this game, giving this track a bad name simply from its difficulty.

As the opening track of the Bell Cup, Neo Bowser City kicks off the final DLC cup in the base game in style, exuding the opulence and grandeur of Bowser’s sprawling metal metropolis.

Before I finish this section, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how much of an upgrade this is over its original version from the Mario Kart 7. The MK8DX devs really laid into this track to make it super difficult and look super good.

Grade: 31/40

#35: 3DS DK Jungle

I have some friends that utterly loathe this track, and I have tried looking at DK Jungle from their perspective. Unfortunately, I just don’t see how this track is so bad.

The layout of this course is engaging, sending racers flying over root formations, mushrooms, and ruins while also having them dodge pesky amphibians, Tiki Goons, and DK barrels.

The staging section where you hop from platform to platform before meeting the Golden Banana at the summit of an anti-grav section is one of the most thrilling sections of any track in this game and allows for racers to attack their opponents and deliver maximum pain.

The final sector of the track is where it loses points. After leaving the glider ramp, the Screaming Pillars don’t even move the racers with their breath, so why are they even here?

All in all, this course is one of the best the 3DS had to offer, and its inclusion as the closer of the Banana Cup still baffles me a bit, considering it was the opener of Mario Kart 7’s Special Cup.

Grade: 31/40

#34: GBA Snow Land

Full disclosure: prior to its addition to the Booster Course Pass, the GBA version of this course ranked as my worst course in the entire Mario Kart series.

When I saw it would be added to the second wave, I was disappointed because there are a number of great tracks from Super Circuit that ultimately didn’t make it into MK8DX.

In spite of all I just said, this version rocks!

As you know by now, I enjoy tracks that have very natural grip, and this might be one of the slickest in the entire game. I mean, look at the road: it’s a consistent, twisting ribbon of ice.

The second track in the Propeller Cup, Snow Land may not be the most visually interesting course on this list, but it doesn’t need to be. It is one of my favorites to race on in the entire game.

The Penguins are super cute, and the shortcuts keep anyone in the game through all three laps, especially the most daring of them all.

Grade: 31/40

#33: Cloudtop Cruise

To kick off the Special Cup, Nintendo gave Mario Kart players a real treat with Cloudtop Cruise.

A mixture of GBA Sky Garden and DS Airship Fortress, Cloudtop Cruise takes the best from both track concepts.

Fluffy, heavenly clouds guide the field through a winding skyway, complete with a bouncing mushroom before sending the dozen racers onto an airship.

Once fired out of a cannon, you land on a metal strip of road that’s wedged into a storm cloud where you have to time out which boost panels will be struck by lightning next to avoid being hit.

A glider ramp sends the karts flying back onto the clouds below where a leaf shortcut provides the quickest way to the finish line.

Quiet as it’s kept, this is one of the best original tracks in the game, and the only reason it isn’t higher on my list boils down to so many great retro tracks being added via the DLC and BCP.

Grade: 31/40