The Wide World of Dirt

#24: Bone-Dry Dunes

This course being so far up my list might disqualify my entire list for some people, and all I have to say to those people is that your beef with this track is probably closer to a skill issue.

Bone-Dry Dunes rules!

This could very well be the best desert track in the entire series, and it’s a shame that so many people dislike it.

Sharp turns, low traction, variable paths, anti-gravity, and plenty of obstacles make this one of the best tracks to race on in the entire game.

Once you learn how to properly take the section around the Piranha Plant in the middle of the course, you tend to have fewer problems winning races at this track.

For a race that has a few options for making up time on your competitors, I don’t see many successful sandbagging attempts at Bone-Dry Dunes, meaning the actual racers get to display their skills at this track with minimal interference.

As someone that spent a great deal of time in Arizona, it’s really nice to see Nintendo opt for more of a red rock aesthetic for a desert track for once, and to me, that really makes BDR stand out.

Grade: 32/40

#23: Super Bell Subway

For as fun as this track is, I see very little discussion surrounding Super Bell Subway online, which is rather unfortunate.

Out of every course in the game, SBS demands the leader of the race be extremely precise in driving lines, something made even more difficult when items are scattered around and the bloopers disrupt your traction.

This track may not look like much on the surface as you dodge all the incoming subway cars as they make their way in and out of the station, but maybe the way you race the track lacks imagination.

As soon as racers hop through the turnstiles, they are greeted with an alternate path above the subway tracks that’s coated in coins and allows racers to even drive on top of the subway if they manage to time everything right.

More branching paths emerge after the first sharp corner with the one on the right leading to a simple ramp while the one further up the left side allows for racers to take a glider ramp, sailing over the competition and trains.

I quickly grew to love this track as I started playing online, and there’s no surprise that it’s this high on the list for me. I have a tremendous amount of fun utilizing every line possible at this track over the race’s three laps.

Grade: 32/40

#22: 3DS Rainbow Road

What some consider the best Rainbow Road lands at #22 on my list.

My biggest criticism with this circuit has always been that it isn’t very difficult for a rainbow road, and I’d go as far as to say this version isn’t even more difficult or more fun than the 3DS original.

The final two turns of the circuit aren’t as good as the original. The rest of the track though? It’s a stunning visual odyssey that takes racers from the rings of one planet to another strip of rainbow that drops everyone off on a moon.

From there, players trick off of the craters, grabbing coins and items before the final stretch where karts rip through a tube of speed that sends them driving (or gliding) over a boost-filled final stretch that brings the field back to the start line.

I don’t have much more to say other than it’s a great track to drive and a fun adventure to go on, but as far as being a great, difficult rainbow road, it falls a little short of that.

Grade: 32/40

#21: GBA Ribbon Road

A standout from Super Circuit made its grand return to the series as a remake in the MK8 DLC as the second course in the Bell Cup.

Given that this course was in 2D the last time we raced on it, this 3D reimagining takes what was already one of the best in its original game and makes it an exciting playground to race around.

One long corner after the start leads into a jump over the start-finish straight and into a sector filled with Mechakoopas that ends with a ramp into a rippling ribbon section that you can trick off of with shorter, narrower routes that branch off to the side and can save some time.

The final section starts with a glider off of the previous section where racers must avoid swinging Koopa Cars-in-a-box before landing on the home stretch ribbon where two more corners greet the player before rolling back over the start line.

While this track can be fodder for sandbaggers, the precision necessary to get around this track the fastest makes for a thrilling adventure through what I can only assume is Bowser Jr.’s bedroom.

Grade: 33/40

#20: 3DS Rosalina’s Ice World

It didn’t hit me until I started grouping all these tracks together into groups of eight that this particular installment might be my most controversial of all.

MK7‘s Rosalina’s Ice World stands out as one of my personal favorites from the 3DS, and I was thrilled to see it added in the final wave of the BCP.

Though it hasn’t changed much from its original iteration, it didn’t have much to adjust because it was a great track as it was. New halfpipes after the first icy hairpin allow precise racers to land on the ice sheet over the water section on every lap of the race, something you could only do with a speed item in MK7.

The underwater section allows players to trick on bumps in the road to keep up with those above water while players on the ice sheet have to weave around holes in the ice and penguins looking to derail a strong effort.

A new ramp at the end of the course helps racers with speed items get around the treacherous final corner quicker, but overall, this is just a strong ice course that gets more hate than it deserves.

Grade: 33/40

#19: Tour Athens Dash

It took until the fifth wave of the BCP for Mario Kart fans to be introduced to one of the best Tour city course: Athens Dash.

Whipping through the ruins of ancient Greece, racers drive through the Parthenon, the Akrópolis, and the Theatre of Dionysus while driving past landmarks like the Odeon of Herodes Atticus, Beulé Gate, and the Propylaea.

Ramping up the Akrópolis steps on laps 2 & 3 remain one of the greatest experiences in the game for me.

Having to dodge rogue Goombas on the steps while making sure to not hit items or get blown out by another competitor can wreak havoc on the feint of heart, so you need to race with the fury and power of Zeus to get the victory here.

The final section where you glide over rooftops does stick out a little bit, but it’s no different to me than other blah sections in other city tracks (looking at you, Vancouver Velocity’s park section.)

Grade: 33/40

#18: Wild Woods

The third track in the Crossing Cup, Wild Woods slots in at #18 on my list because it is one of the most stunning courses visually in the entire series.

Racers explore an extensive treetop community inhabited by Shy Guys and Toads that feels more like a Pikmin level than it does a Mario Kart track.

A split path in the beginning of the course merges back together before a long, wide turn gives way to a glider ramp that slings players to the second half of the course where racers must navigate a tricky irrigation system.

Once at the bottom of the wooden pipeway, players must saunter across a shallow pond full of speedy lily pads prior to a ramp that drops racers off at the final two turns, featuring a mushroom path on the left to bypass the turns.

If I’d constructed this list three years ago before the BCP dropped, Wild Woods probably lands firmly in the top-5 of this list, but 18th feels like an adequate placement now.

Grade: 33/40

#17: Wii Koopa Cape

Yes, this version is weaker than the Wii original, which is why it isn’t higher on the list. It doesn’t feature the lightning rods in the tunnel. It doesn’t feature the rapid stream in the tunnel either. And, I don’t care. The track is still good!

While this track returned in Mario Kart 7, that version’s glider ramp was thankfully removed prior to the river section, bringing back its best element.

Racing down the river into the pipe remains one of my favorite things to do in this game, just as much as I liked it in MKWii.

The halfpipe added to the pipe section creates better opportunities for players to grab items before the final ramp and turn, and the final turn retains its major high-risk/high-reward waterfall on the inside of the turn, a major plus.

Some will decry this selection as nostalgia-baiting, but if you’ve kept up with this list to this point, I have no nostalgic connection to the original version of this circuit. I just really like Koopa Cape in its original form and this one, sue me.

Grade: 34/40